Top Ten Warmest Novembers in the Future, Ranked

If you live east of the Rocky Mountains, you don’t need me to tell you that it was a warm November. Frankly, it’s been a warm fall overall, and with the way things are going, we could have a similar conversation come the end of December. What’s it going to be like in the future, though? I’ve compiled a list of the ten most memorable warm Novembers from the future.

1. November 2015—A string of winter storms plagues the Plains as unusually warm weather bathes the East Coast.
2. November 2017—After a long streak of 70°F+ weather, Winter Storm Crème Fraîche drops 13″ of snow on New York City the day before Thanksgiving.
3. November 2019—United States celebrates as nice weather prevails and country experiences only 620 mass shootings, the lowest monthly total in almost four years.
4. November 2020—Kanye West wins a closely contested election, barely unseating incumbent President Jim Webb in a 271-267 race.
5. November 2044—Puerto Rico’s newly-installed Congressional delegation proves crucial in passing landmark climate change legislation, only to be inexplicably filibustered by longtime Senator Alvin Greene (D-S.C.). 
6. November 2063—The less you remember about November 2063, the better.
7. November 2091—First warmest November in six years after atmosphere recovers from long-awaited eruption of Yellowstone caldera; History Channel goes off-air after discovering it now has nothing left to talk about. 
8. November 2302—Kale and quinoa, traditional Thanksgiving staples, in short supply due to record drought.
9. November 5281—Walt Disney World Iqaluit opens to treat guests, still bitter about Florida’s retreat into the Atlantic, looking for a sunny winter getaway.
10. November 5,400,000,000 AD—Sun’s expansion causes Earth to warm beyond capability of remaining microbial life; Jim Inhofe, unconvinced, holds up a glass of yet-unevaporated water to disprove the red giant theory.